im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
