Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
