so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
