Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
