dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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