areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
