his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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