Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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