Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
