I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
