If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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