oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
