The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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