Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
