dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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