Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
