i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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