Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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