We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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