DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
