I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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