Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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