I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
