I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
