Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
