names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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