Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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