Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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