i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just tell him i said nine months
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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