im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
