you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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