Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
