Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm really busy with my period
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