Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
