So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
