Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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