your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
