I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
