i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
