i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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