His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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