she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
