Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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