he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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