Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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