I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
