He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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