her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
