are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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