I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
